- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
How the Centaur Running for President could actually WIN.
Senataur, the first half man, half horse politician officially became the candidate of the "Independent Party" today after filing with the Federal Election Committee. The slogan of his campaign is “Don’t Think, React!” and his slate of sweeping reforms calls for a series of “decisive and impulsive actions regardless of the consequences”. Impulsive, BUT, that’s how he’s programmed. His stances were calculated based on advanced computer algorithms designed to engineer the optimal platform of opinions for every election topic... and the “beta” was just released.
Using an extensive database of public polls and surveys focused on independents, youth and especially the wayward Bernie bros, Senataur is running the ideal Presidential platform in 2016 America, and like America in 2016, it’s a bit crazy. From mandatory bulletproof vests to building an Ark, his positions are hardly moderate. The slogan and even the mythological form were chosen via algorithm. Who is Senataur’s main rival? According to his campaign announcement video, ALL Politicians. With a paltry 11% Congressional approval rating and the two least liked presidential candidates in election history, he might just be onto something.
Created by German Neuroscientist Lewis Christopher and writer Alec Pinkston, the project began as "a fun conversation and spiraled into a legitimate hypothesis now based on actual data” explained Pinkston. It’s not all just fun and games, there’s an REACT PAGE on the website that encourages voters to call their representatives and demand action on whatever they value with the ‘mad lib’ assistance of Senataur’s commanding voice, provided by former ‘Strangers with Candy’ actor Gregory Hollimon. There’s also a $700k SuperPAC via crowd funding (a portion going to Veterans charity Hope for the Warriors) that openly accepts bribes and a video contest to decide Senataur’s running mate. The campaign, which softly launched last week on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, will go until election day and the Library of Congress already selected the website for inclusion in their materials related to the 2016 election. In the race between a supposedly corrupt politician and supposedly corrupt businessman, perhaps there’s room for an openly corrupt mythological horse to sneak up and win by a nose. When asked about not being on the ballot, Senataur quipped “I’m advising my supporters to bring a pen.”
